source: Mandi Ehman
Contentment is something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately, especially in regards to our home.
Don’t get me wrong. I love our home. I love the lot our home is built on. We are blessed, and I don’t ever take that for granted.
But when you build your own house (or in our case, have the manufactured shell delivered and then do all of the finish work yourself), the many projects and details that are left undone – not permanently, but for a time as you prioritize the rest – can sometimes drive you batty.
Now that I’m in full nesting mode and seem to be hypersensitive to anything that is out of order or unfinished, I have noticed that I’ve been focusing more on what’s not done than what is done. To be honest, sometimes it feels like our house will never be finished. There’s still door frames and trim and paint and flooring and…well, you get the picture.
And if I’m entirely honest, while I love to share pictures of my home, sometimes the idea of people visiting can be stressful because I’m afraid they’ll miss the beauty and just notice the things that aren’t done.
But the reality is that contentment means being content no matter what. It means being content in a home that is unfinished because of a lack of time (hey, we will soon have four children under the age of 5…life is busy!) and a lack of money.
It means being content in a rental even when you’re unable to make changes and decorate it the way you want to. It means being content when you’re in a busy season and the clutter has gotten out of hand. And it means being content with unfinished decorating projects and landscaping.
A couple months ago, I came across this blurb on Gidget Goes Home from a book called Calm My Anxious Heart: A Woman’s Guide to Finding Contentment by Linda Dillow. Nicole shared these five principles of contentment from the first chapter, which have been hanging on the bulletin board in my laundry room ever since. As I’ve been thinking about this topic this week, I’ve been applying these principles to the way I think about my home, and they really do make a difference in my attitude:
- Never allow yourself to compain about anything — not even the weather.
- Never picture yourself in any other circumstance or someplace else.
- Never compare your lot with another’s.
- Never allow yourself to wish this or that had been otherwise.
- Never dwell on tomorrow — remember that tomorrow is God’s, not ours.
Is contentment something you struggle with when it comes to your home? Do you tend to focus more on what isn’t done than what is done? Tell us one thing you LOVE about your home!
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I have never really allowed myself to LOVE my home because I rent. Its not mine. I don’t have much creative license and I’m simply borrowing it (with a fee of course). I constantly dream about painting, or making other minor modifications but that’s not really possible. What I do love about it is the hardwood floors and recently renovated kitchen. Once you prepare your meals in a gourmet kitchen, its hard to go back!
We are moving soon into another rental where I there will be more flexibility with what I can do to it thankfully.
I love my current home…we’ve been in it just over a year, but are selling it in 3 weeks. We will be moving into a rental for a year and I’m ok with that. I think it will help me be content with my belongings and not feel the need to buy new things for the home (since it’s temporary!!)
What I love about this house is the lot it’s on (1 acre surrounded by trees!!!) and the layout. I could see myself in this home for many, many years, but that’s not in the cards. Instead of mourning the loss of this home, I’m thankful we were blessed to have it for the past 15 months!
I had four children under the age of 5, and your right life is busy!
I had to let a lot of things go, but I found that good organization and a lot of decluttering really helped with the littles. Decorating the house and making it look like a show place was a hinderance and not a help. My priorities had to change to keep my sanity. Blessings on your newest soon to be arrival!
We have a fixer upper…cause I thought it would be “so much fun” to fix up - two kids later…it still needs a lot of work…and I notice.every.little.thing. But I have to remember that I could be living in a hut in Africa…count my blessings!!
Oh my, this post was so good for me. It’s good to hear that we’re not the only ones who struggle to complete those little projects. What a great reminder to not let that keep you from enjoying your home…and opening it up to others as well!
What I love about my home is its open design. It gives the kids and me lots of room to move and play during the day, and it’s nice for entertaining.
You hit the nail on the head for me. We are still putting things back together after our home was flooded by a hurricane. 4 years - two new jobs - and a baby - later. I found I was depressing myself all the time by focussing on the unfinished stuff, like you mentioned. It was the biggest bone of contention between me and my husband - who is doing all of the final repair work in between a full time job, family responsibilites and another house under repair. While I of course appreciate all the hard work he puts into things I kept visualizing myself in our home pre-hurricane or post-renovation but never in the here & now. We’d get into argument after argument about the pace of things and stuff that wasn’t done etc. I finally realized that it was ME who was making me unhappy. I realized that my kitchen is 98% complete and is beautiful and I love it and should enjoy it.
I also wrote these three things on a sheet of paper and keep it in my purse where I see it everytime I go in there:
1. Pick your battles
2. Be grateful
3. Don’t want it all now
I don’t even have to read the words on the page to know what they say, and it brings an instand calm to me whenever I get bent out of shape and see that paper. I think the bullets you listed are in the same vein. I think I might even write them on my sheet of paper.
Wow, I really appreciate you all taking the time to chime in and share your thoughts on this.
So many great reminders (Lori, I think I’ll add those three points to MY list as well!).
I think the truth is we could live in palaces fit for queens and still find something to be discontent with. It’s really much more of a heart/attitude issue than a physical issue. But it does help knowing that others experience some of the same feelings!
I love that my home is an old church building and that we are making it our own.
We, too, have a lot of unfinished projects - lots and lots of time and no money.
I have no running water on the main floor and my kitchen is in the basement. It’s tough, but I don’t mind. I look at it as good exercise; up and down the stairs serving my family on the main level!
This post was very well stated. Thank you, I enjoyed.
We have 4 children with another due in 11 weeks so being content in our house has been a challenge lately. We never planned to stay in this house for this long but we live in a very small town where you pretty much have to wait for someone to die before there is anything for sale. When we bought it we gutted it and put it back together (almost!) in 30 days, needless to say we havn’t been in the mood since to finish any of the little things. Well it is too small for our family so I have been decluttering and organizing as much as possible, I am a recovering packrat!! Well now that we have to make space in our bedroom for another baby I keep telling myself that our ancestors (I live in SD on the plains) lived in one room shacks while raising large families and if they could do that I can easily live in our small home with running water, indoor plumbing and 2 washers and dryers! So even though I struggle with contentment in my home everyday I am appreciative for what I have. Thank you for your perspective on this post, somedays I think I am the only one struggling with this issue.
I just started reading your blog and it’s like this post read my mind! Seriously though, we live in a crowded beach city in California and our living circumstances leave much to be desired. Lately I’ve been dragging myself down by doing pretty much the opposite of your suggestions. I realize being in the dolldrums about things doesn’t make them better, and there are plenty of positive things about where I live. For one, the beach is just down the street!
Anyway, thanks for this post…reading your positive suggestions makes me feel better already!
Linda Dillow’s book is so applicable for most women I know, including me! Gratitude and contentment are crucial; time to learn them again and regain some joy. I really should read Calm My Anxious Heart again.
I can’t believe someone else is living like us. We live in a church parsonage that we moved to our farm. It is a farmhouse! We gutted it and made all the little rooms open to each other. But there is so much to finish. We have no woodwork yet. . . Sometimes I let that get to me when real uppity people come to visit. Mostly I love our 20 acre farm. I love starting my day with breakfast and my devotional on the east-facing porch looking out at the pasture at my horses while the latest batch of kitties play at my feet and their mom is in my lap. I also love to end my day sipping something cold sitting next to my husband on that very same porch. That is contentment.
This is something that I have really been struggling with lately. We live overseas right now so the house is not exactly the standard I am used to. The walls are concrete making it hard to decorate, the kitchen is outside making it hard to watch the kids and cook, because of culture we have someone living with us taking care of the house making it less private. When I get caught up in the “I wish…” mindset I try to focus on the things I do like here. We dry our clothes in the sun, the tile floors are great for all the spills and messes that abound with kids, the house has a lot of room, etc. I remind myself that if I am not content here I will not be content somewhere else.
I think that I should read that book since it sounds like something I need, thanks.
Even though my husband and I have been renting in the same place for 3 years, I have learned to love where we are. When we moved here, I was quick to complain about EVERYTHING! The closets were too small, the carpet the wrong color, the rooms a weird shape … but now I have a list of things that I adore about this space, even though there are some things I can’t do to make it “mine” — big kitchen with plenty of storage space, dishwasher, lots of counter space, two bathrooms, tub/showers, lots of trees, two great balconies, and windows that are situated where I can leave the windows open and never use a/c!
In the midst of thinking of buying, I realized one of the joys of living in a small space (less than 900 sq ft for us) is that I cannot gather “things.” Anything I buy has to have a purpose, clothes have to leave when they are not worn often enough to make space … I have grown in the area of not gathering stuff and not wanting to live in a big house because that’s what everyone else does - what a blessing that is!
I just came upon you and this was just the gentle reminder that I needed! I love our home. It’s big and beautiful and functional. But I wish I could paint it to make it homier and more welcoming but the funds aren’t here. I am going to type out those principles and focus on them this week!
Boy was this an eye opener for me. We currently rent our house and have have added pictures and curtains to try to make it a home for us. I think the thing I like in my home is the bay window in the dining room and the deck out back.
Thank you. This post came to me at a perfect time while we scramble to do some finishing projects in our new home and the decorating that we never seem to get around to! This helps…
Contentment is definitely a daily choice for me. I’m in a similar place to Jen… having just moved into a small rental, that thankfully I’m very content with right now! The best part is not having very much space to clean!
Thanks for linking to me Mandi, I’m so glad I’m not alone in the contentment journey.
You have me pegged. I am often discontent in my home– for all the wrong reasons! I think that thankfulness can go a long way in helping you to love your home. Sometimes it is hard to feel thankful.
Something I love about my home is that it is open, so I an see or hear the children no matter where I am.
I love my home because the people I love most in the world live here!
So Very Thankful
I love my home, I live on a mountain, in a Forrest, surrounded with wild birds and animals! The day views in winter are of mountains and valleys, in the summer I am surrounded by green leaves that sing to me in the breezes. The night views year round are of a dark velvet sky with diamond like stars sparkling or coursing across the dark.
We moved everything we love here and add something wonderful each year! The first year we added two more Standard Poodles to our beloved other Jazz and Cowboy, the next year Victorian iron fencing, the next more decks and decking, the next four sets of french doors to walk out to the views, this year all projects came to a halt because of our business failing and unemployment>> but the joy goes on among the unfinished mess inside.
We have each other and Jazz, Cowboy, Jade and Jessica our joy; we are living what was once a dream and dreaming. We are thankful for each other, our love, our life, our health, and the pleasures God has allowed us to barrow, this is a glorious time…
My contentment with life comes and goes in spurts and waves. There are times when I just love my little cozy house and all the little touches I have done to it and I think I couldn’t be happier anywhere else. Other times, I feel like I can’t wait to get out of here into something bigger, better, newer, nicer neighborhood, etc. Maybe it’s tied to hormones, or maybe it Satan’s whisperings in my ear. Either way, thanks for the reminder to focus on the positive in our lives and put the negative behind us. I love the extra closet in my dining room! Awesome storage.